+Friday, September 09, 2005+
Sometime I wonder if the habits I've picked up in Matt's absence are worrysome. I talk to myself very regularly - we've even started to have inside jokes together, me and I, but thing about the inside jokes is that they're basically the same as the jokes I share with Matt. In my oneness, I've just found ways to chuckle over them with myself because after all, I am basically just an extension of Matt.

When our dog would whimper and I'd ignore him, Matt would always be the savior, declaring to the mutt that, "Mommy's mean, huh?" When he was staring up at me with his big saccharine puppy dog eyes (the dog, not Matt...LOL) the other day and I caught myself picking up Matt's slack by saying, "I'm such a mean mommy, huh?," the realization had me in stitches. I miss Matt so much and in his absence, I've started to pick up the silly little things I loved about him to compensate for him not being there to do them. Am I going absolutely nuts here?? And the fact that I can laugh so hard over the jokes with myself, well, that's just batty....

My friend H came into town on Wednesday 'cause our friend K (whom we threw a baby shower for back in July) gave birth yesterday to a beautiful baby girl. They want me to go see the baby when I get off work today, and I'm a little nervous about it - I've never been around newborns. Nope. Not once. Yesterday when H was showing me pics, I asked her why they left part of the umbilical cord attached and clamped. Really, I know nothing about birth, and to think, I want to be a mother one day! Needless to say, the thought of being around such a tiny being so new to life is somewhat unnerving, and yet somehow so exciting. She's absolutely gorgeous, and I'm so happy for K - God bless her for being brave enough to raise this baby on her own!

Matt's going to be moving to an FOB temporarily within the next few days, and for a while I was quite uneasy about it; he's been at the same base since he got into Afghanistan and anything out of the "norm" of his day-to-day always gets me into a frenzy, but after talking to him about it last night, I feel a lot better about it. It's not so much being on a different base that concerns me - it's getting there. Granted, his IS a CH-47 helicopter unit, Matt's MOS has little to do with the birds, so he flies very little if at all, and regardless of how upsetting it may seem in my eyes, I'd rather him fly than convoy, and it's not really like I have options. LOL. Sometimes I still like to pretend that I do have control over the situations, that if I worry and complain enough the army will "change its mind."

Nothing much else to post about, though I often wonder why it is that 4-day weeks (after the Labor Day holiday) always seem to move by so much more slowly than full work weeks. Friday is finally here, but why does it seem like it was such a long, laborous process to get here?? Oh! Random acts of kindness: Thursday morning as I was leaving for work, I noticed yard clippings all over my driveway and my first reaction was to curse one of my neighbors for seemingly dumping their mower remnants all over my driveway. Then I looked up and saw that someone had mowed my lawn for me. It was so thoughtful it brought tears to my eyes - all of my neighbors know that Matt is deployed (as does anyone who drives by thanks to my "Proudly Serving America" yard sign), so for someone to do something so nice as to mow my lawn for me fills me with such an indescribable feeling. People DO care, and I wish it hadn't been done anonymously so I could thank the person who was kind enough to do this for me! Thank you, whoever you are! You brought an enormous smile to my day.

wishing matt was here @ 11:49 AM+

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