+Friday, July 29, 2005+
I haven't updated for a little while because everything in my life is perusual - I neglected my regular Tuesday update merely because I had absolutely nothing to post about. And as it turns out, I still don't really have anything to post about, but I am in terrible need of a good rant, and hey, that's one of the reasons I have my little nook of the internet, right?
:-)~ What I'm getting at here is if you don't want to hear me complain about people you don't know and morph into somewhat of a bitch, perhaps you should skip this post. If you don't care one way or the other, your advice and insight on this situation would be very appreciated!

First a little history: Matt has a friend who for privacy purposes we'll refer to in this post as "Greg" (though I'm not sure why I really care one way or another about his privacy). Matt and Greg are by no means great friends, and to say they were even good friends would probably still be pushing it a little, but Matt is a very reliable guy and has always been willing to lend Greg a helping hand when he needed it. Matt and I had been dating a few months when Greg met the girl who is now his wife - we'll call her "Lindsay" - and from the very beginning, Lindsay never meshed well with our group of friends. No one liked her. Mostly because she turned what used to be a good man into a pathetic mass of a human being, but also because she's an atrociously selfish bitch (I'll cite one example, though there are many: Matt and I had gotten into a big fight over something and were on bad terms for a few days. When we finally came to an agreement on whatever the fight was about - I honestly can't even remember - Lindsay approached me and said, "I'm so glad you and Matt aren't fighting anymore. You were giving me really awful vibes and bringing me down.").

When we figured enough was enough, we (when I say "we" I mean myself and Matt and a handful of our mutual friends) sat Greg down and told him about our concerns with his and Lindsay's relationship. It was (and still is) an extremely unhealthy relationship between two people who have very misconstrued ideas of love - Lindsay had ruined her fair share of men, and Greg...well, Greg is as inexperienced in love as they come: Lindsay was his first girlfriend. Ever. Yes, really. This isn't to say I have anything against first loves - I believe very much that there are people who marry and stay madly in love with their first girl/boyfriends, but this was a different situation entirely. We had watched our friend Greg completely lose control of his own life - a real life succubus story (should we submit it to MTV? LOL).

Despite our intervention that night, Greg disregarded our advice. In fact, it was shortly after that that things took a turn for the worse - Lindsay got pregnant, so they got engaged. Since it was quite apparent we were in for the long haul, all of Greg's friends reluctantly accepted that there was nothing further that could be said or done to persuade him otherwise. She was pregnant with his kid (which I feel I should mention is due to the fact that she had conveniently stopped taking her birth control)!

Begrudgingly we all agreed to take various rolls in the wedding - Greg asked Matt to be his best man which shocked the living be-jesus out of all of us because they'd never been especially close and because Greg's best-friend-since-high-school seemed like the blatantly obvious choice. Not to mention Greg's best friend had not been present at our infamous intervention whereas Matt had been right there with the rest of us condemning this relationship. Matt didn't immediately pick up the title. In fact, he felt a little uncomfortable doing so, and for a while he tried to insist that Greg's best friend should be best man - he was quite apparently the "best man" for the job (har har).

Greg would not hear of it though, so Matt hesitantly said yes to being his best man. They took Greg out for a wild bachelor party (believe me, they took my car, so I got to see all the matchbooks from all the fabulous little places they went. I mean, c'mon, this is NEVADA. 'Nuff said); Matt paid for his tux, his brother's tux, etc and we gave them a very generous amount of cash as a wedding gift. All in all, we spent at the very least $400 on Greg and Lindsay's wedding, and in return, we got nothing. Not even a verbal thank-you, let alone a written one. Thank-you notes are a common wedding tradition, and to not even send one to Matt - who mind you did NOT want to be the best man but still footed the cost of the bachelor party and a few tuxes in addition to his own - is just downright RUDE.

Lindsay was never one of my friends, and I never pretended she was. I was always nice to her, but were you ever to meet this girl, you would see how much of a task it is just to do that - prior to her, I'd never met someone with whom it was actually physically exhausting to be nice to them. It's difficult to be nice to bad people, especially when they're not necessarily going out of their way to be at all pleasant. Regardless, Greg was my friend, so on a few occassions we dragged Lindsay out for a girls' night at his request (and I only mention it because I find some sick humor in it, he once PAID my friend H to hang out with her so he could go out with the guys).

We went to the hospital for him the night his son was born. When he found himself down and out on his luck and in no position to afford a wife and a kid, Matt got him a job at the construction company he was working for. I make mention of all this not to make us as sound as though we're exemplary people, but to highlight what kind of friends we've been to Greg.

When Matt was deployed he had but one request for Greg and that was to check up on me occasionally incase I needed any help doing yard work or other odds and ends things around the house. Greg never came by to check up on me. I tried numerous times in vain to get a hold of him when some things went awry, and I needed him to mow my lawn. I called another one of Matt's friends and asked him to relay the message to Greg if he saw him to please call me. Nothing. When Matt came home for his leave, we invited a few friends over, and Greg did not come - for Christ's sake, this was the best man at his wedding, and he couldn't even take the time to come see him while he was on home on leave from freaking Afghanistan! Matt didn't mind too much that he couldn't seem to make time to see him on his leave - what he cared more about was the few broken appliances and the overgrown grass that had resulted from 5 months of unreturned phone calls (I've since learned how to use the lawn mower so I don't have to rely on others. We didn't have much grass where I grew up!!).

On Saturday, I saw Greg for the first time in more than 6 MONTHS - nearly the entire duration of Matt's deployment thusfar. You might be wondering if he came to check up on me. No, he did not. The reason he came by was to ask me to come to Lindsay's baby shower (they're pregnant again) on the 30th (tomorrow). Let's for a moment forget the fact that Lindsay is not my friend and never has been and instead focus on the fact that he's asking a favor of me after completely avoiding helping me out in any way, shape, or form these past 6 - 7 months. And, "she's not registered anywhere, but a gift certificate should be fine." Because after spending hundreds out of pocket on their wedding that everyone condemned and not receiving any sort of gratitude in return, I'm sure you can imagine how eager I am to spend more money on them.

I'm not a malicious person by any means. Quite the contrary actually. I'm more than willing to bend over backwards for any of my friends, and even in this case, a good part of my subconscious is telling me to be the better person and suck it up and go. But at the same time, I'm deeply bothered that someone can expect so much yet give so little in return. I LOVE to give - I'm absolutely a giver at heart. I enjoy Christmastime because I get indescribable joy out of giving people things I know will make them happy - far more than I enjoy receiving gifts. I don't claim to be a philanthropist or a wonderful human being, but my friends' happiness is important to me and I love them and am willing to give them anything they need if I can because I know in turn that my happiness is important to them and that at any second they would return the favor if need be. There is no room in my life for half-ass friends. I have no people in my circle I consider "acquaintances" and am extremely close to those I call my best friends. To me, friendship is all or nothing. If it's the latter, you're not my friend.

Unfortunately I'm having a difficult time justifying in my mind why I should go to Lindsay's baby shower - why I should be the better person. Since I've known him, Greg has done nothing but take and take, and I'm afraid I have nothing left to give him. I've completely exhausted my resources for my friendship with this man; I'm extremely disappointed that he's never been there for me when I've needed him and each time a favor I've asked of him goes unfulfilled, it gets harder and harder for me to give myself reasons why I should continue to be his friend and do things like go to his awful wife's baby shower. For those of you who've actually made it this far in the post, what would you do in this situation? I've already made the decision not to go to the baby shower tomorrow, and despite myself, I feel really guilty about this. It's not like me to blow off a friend and regardless of how unreliable Greg's been for me these last 6 months, I can't help but feel really bad for doing it. Am I completely out of my mind here or am I in the right in believing that going out of my way to resume a friendship with someone who obviously could care less about mine is pointless? It will help to have different perspectives of this - for all I know, I could be being a selfish bitch and have this situation completely askewed! Does needing more really warrant deserving more?

wishing matt was here @ 3:46 PM+

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