+Friday, March 18, 2005+
It should be noted that never, under any circumstances, should you send an email to every single member of an FRG whose soldiers are station in Afghanistan that says (and I quote verbatim from an email received in my inbox on Thursday morning): "No to scare everyone but didn't any one hear more details on the explosion in Kandahar?"

That's it. That was the entire email.

This email is in response to the bombing in southern Afghanistan that killed 5 Afghani people and injured many more, but of course I hadn't even heard about that yet when I got this message in my email. The fact that she started the email with "not to scare everyone" is absolutely atrocious; she knew damn well that it would strike fear in the hearts of every unfortunate soul who got that message in their email because it directly affected everyone it went to. The very least she could've done was RESEARCHED it a little more before sending out a mass email.

Such a vague email does not paint a pretty picture in my head, and I did what I'm sure every other wife/fiance/girlfriend in my FRG did upon receiving that email - I lost my mind. This bomb was a little too close for comfort. It seems like it's been so long since there's been any intentional malicious acts in Afghanistan that the news of this one caused a wrenching in my heart that I know I'll most likely have to feel again, but hope to God I don't. The most awful, suffocating fear took hold of my heart, and I started to panic. I had my first ever full-fledged panic attack.

I knew this would happen every time something bad happened over there. I vowed to avoid the news for the next year (as if that were somehow possible); "no news is good news" is my new mantra. I recite it to myself often just incase I ever forget that a couple weeks of no phone calls is better than a knock on the door. I jinxed myself with my last post about how "lucky" I've been in the consistency of Matt's phone calls - I haven't talked to him since Monday morning. And I can't say I was grateful that it was only Afghans that were killed - the fact that this happened at all is just terrible (haven't these people suffered enough??) - but it was relieving to know that no Americans were in the blast.

I managed to compose myself enough to check up on the story at a few different websites to be absolutely sure that there were no American deaths involved. If there were any questions about the wellbeing of our unit, I wouldn't have been able to make it through the day.

(For some reason when I made some changes to this page, half of this post got deleted. I don't know why, but I apologize!)

wishing matt was here @ 1:11 PM+

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